I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
