I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
