Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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