If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
