I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
