I just threw up on my dentist
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
