so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
