I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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