Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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