His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
