my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
