Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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