I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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