i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
