i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
