thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
