I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
