shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
