Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
