I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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