He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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