Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
