what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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