honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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