im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
