I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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