apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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