I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
