I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
