I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
