sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
