he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
