Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
