my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Randomize
