i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize