I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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