Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
