I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
