I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
