if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
