That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
