The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
