don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
