weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
