Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
