New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
