Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
