i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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