Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
