We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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