I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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