4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
