Where are you?
In a non slutty way
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
