she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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