Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
