I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
