sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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