I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
