My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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