my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
