She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
