No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
