I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
