I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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