i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
