Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
