my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
