I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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