at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
