he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
