Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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