cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
